Behold the ULTIMATE IN COMEDY DEATH-FIGHTING!

Comedy Kumite is an amazing one-night tournament in which 8 comics vie for the title of funniest person alive.

Comedy Kumite started in September 2003, pitting eight comics against eachother in a one-night single elimination tournament. Packed houses have cheered their favorite comics on to victory at every event since then -- the combination of pro-wrestling style pageantry, great comedy and intense competition has made Kumites some of the most anticipated shows on the DC comedy scene.

UPDATE (10/28/05): On October 27, 2005, all seven previous Kumite champions and Kumite creator Chris White met at the Comedy Spot in Ballston Common mall for the Comedy Kumite Tournament of Champions. Frank Hong came away with the victory, defeating Zach Toczynski, Erin Conroy and Justin Schlegel en route to the ultimate championship. Here's the photo evidence, as host Jared Stern raises Frank's hand after the finals and Justin Schlegel graciously gives the Honger some props. That's Rory Scovel with the guitar. He wasn't even on stage at the time ... he just APPEARED IN THE NEGATIVE! Oooh.

Comedy Kumite IX: Because We Can -- Erik Myers: Comedy Kumite took an eight-month hiatus as various competitors battled through the astral realms to return their souls to the mortal plane and once again become living competitors (we have a strict "no zombies" policy for the tournament). At the event's triumphant return at the Arlington Cinema n' Drafthouse on July 12, 2006, Erik Myers eked by former finalist Larry XL to become our newest champion. He was last seen taking his $100 prize to Ross Dress for Less, presumably to buy enough clothes for the rest of his life.

Comedy Kumite II: The Revenge -- Frank Hong: For most, being a notorious international heroin dealer is plenty. But Frank is driven by a hunger inside him. He tried eating Snickers bars, but it turns out it wasn't that kind of hunger. It's a hunger for ... wait for it ... REVENGE. On Nov. 18, 2003, Frank won Comedy Kumite II, defeating Larry XL in a hard-fought final. Since then, he disappeared into the fog, presumably in search of fish sticks. UPDATE: In October 2005, Frank defeated Justin Schlegel to win the Comedy Kumite Tournament of Champions. He is now officially the funniest person alive.

Kumite VII: Tag Team Turmoil -- Ryan Conner and Rory Scovel: In the first ever "tag-team" kumite, the team of Captain Thunder and the Attack Planet, aka Ryan and Rory, walked away with the gold. Using their devastating finishing maneuver, the Thunderball (it involves a piano), they defeated the team of Danny Rouhier and Dawan Owens at Staccato Lounge on June 26, 2005. Their tewamwork then continued, as they worked in tandem to eat a large cheese pizza. Truly, children everywhere could learn from their example.

Kumite VI -- Justin Schlegel: Growing up raised by wolves, Justin Schlegel dreamed of one thing: understanding the emotion known as love. But wolf love is alot like human furious vengeance, and so in his attempts to love his fellow comics, he thrashed them all. On May 29, 2005, he defeated Tim Miller in the finals to walk away with the crown. And those partying in Adams Morgan could swear, later that night, they heard someone baying at the moon. But to be fair, that happens in Adams Morgan.

Kumite V -- Larry Poon: Fighting to honor the memory of his recently deceased DJ, a highly motivated Larry Poon crooned his way to victory on Nov. 7, 2004. Holding back the tears from his one good eye, he not only won our hearts, but he became the first man to history of the Kumite to mention Erik Estrada while on stage. Erin Conroy's spirited effort earned her second place, but truly, this night belonged to Larry -- and to a certainy DJ, now working the knobs up in heaven.

Kumite IV: A New Hope -- Zach Toczynski: After training in the highlands of Poland for 13 years, Zach rode into town on a burro on July 25, 2004, and cleaned house at Staccato Lounge. Really, it looks very nice, you should see it. He even Swiffered. Defeating Rory Scovel in the final round, he became our first man named Zach in the Superstar Ninja Death-Fighting Hall of Fame.

Kumites I and III -- Erin Conroy: After vanquishing Chris White in the finals of the first Kumite, Sept. 28, 2003 at Staccato Lounge, Erin journeyed inward, focusing her power into a new joke, so deadly, so powerful, it could only be called "Magnum." She then returned at Comedy Kumite III: Through the Portal of Time (March 2004) and used Magnum to blow away Adam Ruben, making her the first ever two-time Kumite champ.

Kumite Rules

Comedy Kumite is an 8-person, 3-round tournament. The winner of each round is decided by a panel of 3 mysterious judges wearing black robes. Competitors get 5 minutes in the first round and 5 minutes in the second round; the finalists each get 8 minutes. All losers are summarily executed, or at the very least dragged out back and teased.

Tag Rules: The tournament features four tag teams, with each team consisting of two comedians. In each match, two teams get on stage at the SAME TIME. The audience suggests a topic, and one team must send forward a member to tell a joke related to that topic. The opposing team then must stay on that topic or smoothly segue to another joke within 10 seconds. When a team fails to respond in time, their opponent gets a point. At the end of 25 minutes, the scores are tallied, audience cheering is taken into account, and the winners are announced.