Ask a Stand-Up Comedian
Have you always wanted to know the secrets to life? To a happy relationship? How to drive the big rigs and experience the fulfilling career you've always wanted?
No one affiliated with this Web site knows any of those things, but if you send in your questions, we'll be glad to answer them in a completely useless and at times cosmically insulting way. WARNING: These columns get raunchy sometimes. Read at your own risk.
Hey,
My name is Kurt. I know this guy, and everytime time he talks tough to me is on the phone. Then When I see him face to
face he acts like a punk and kisses my ass. So what should I do the next time he talks mess to me on the phone?
Jon Miller: Wow Kurt, you found a way to ask one weird question. I am not sure if you are twelve or not, but don't talk to this guy. Is he in your class at school or someone from your carpool? And if he is in your carpool, where the hell do you work? Because I am never going to apply there. What does this guy say to you, and where are you when he kisses your ass? I have a million questions about your question Kurt.
Why would you want to talk to him on the phone anyway? Are you old enough to drink, maybe he's one of those people who likes to get drunk and make mean phone calls. Then he is so drunk that he doesn't remember it later when he sees you. Maybe it's some sort of drunken amnesia problem you are dealing with.
Or he was dropped on his head a lot when he was a child. If he is in fact a child, he could be STILL getting dropped on his head. In which case I would tell you to get away from this guy. He is just a loose cannon waiting to snap. So tell your office manager, or teacher, that you need to move your desk. If he does come after you, learn how to use big words like "paranoid schizophrenia." Or, "delusional" and of course, "restraining order." He probably won't understand what they mean, cause you're twelve. However they will have him so confused it will give you more time to run away.
Good luck to you and tell your parents to invest in some caller ID.