Open Letter to Washington DC Mayor Adrian Fenty

Dear Mr. Fenty,

As a lifelong Democrat (not really, but I didn't think that you would read this unless I was), and voting constituent (though, I have to admit, if my campaign to convince Ralph Nader to run for major of Washington DC on the Green Ticket would have been successful, I would have been a non-voting constituent) I would like to encourage you and your office, and your office's office, to pass legislation that would make stealing jokes from another comic a felony, punishable by a $100 fine and a year's worth of community service working as a member of the wait staff of a local Comedy Open Mike of the judge's choosing.

The purpose of this letter then is two-fold. First, is to give me the opportunity to say the word two-fold. Two-fold, two-fold, two-fold, and two-fold. Second, to encourage your office to pursue the above mentioned legislation, and anything else that would give me free publicity.

Personally, I don't mind if another comic steals my material, because it lets me claim them as a dependent on my tax return, but for others, it's a big deal. And I'm not talking about "Creative Stealing" (Creative Stealing is where a comic takes the idea, but not the exact words, of another comic's jokes. For instance, I could have a joke that starts, "I bought a new ride this week…" Another comic might say, "I bought a ride new this week…" and follow with a similar punch line. This type of stealing does involve some type of creativity by the stealing artist, so it would not be a felony, but it should require the offending comic to send some props the way of the originating comic, in the form of a $100 check or at least some recognition when the comic achieves success (recognition in the form of working as wait staff at the originating comic's Open Mike show - in which case, I guess the penalty would be the same as the penalty for a felony, but without the prison record - though I would expect a Comedy record to come out of it, or as it is known these days, as a Comedy Compact Disk, even better known as a Comedy CD - not to be confused with a CCD, a Confraternity of Christian Doctrine class - how's that for old school).

"Straight Out Stealing" is where a comic, who is usually more successful, powerful, and outright nastier, than the originating comic, takes the originator's joke, word for word, and tells it publicly before the originator's comic can tell it publicly (With the originating comic's low budget shows notwithstanding as someplace considered as "public" - because no one goes to those things anyway). This type of stealing is known as taking away a comic's means of support, better known in comic circles as, "their life". These offending comics usually hold six-figure salaries, and not withstanding (there's that word again) asking your Uncle Guido to take out a contract against the offending comic, the best we can do in respect to a punishment is charging the comic with a felony before a judge in a people's court (hopefully with a bad sound system to boot).

The Washington DC Metro Standup Comedians Creativity Bill then would send a statement to comics that they shouldn't steal other comic's material, or at least not while anyone is listening, for the good of the Art, or anyone else with a three letter first name.

Signed, Yours in Humor, Carlos M.