Tony Lombard, Triathlete Impersonator
The following excerpt is from a forthcoming ESPN magazine interview of Tony Lombard, world-class triathlete impersonator.
INTERVIEWER: Tony, what should people know about the triathlon?
TONY: When people think about a Triathlon, they always seem to think about one thing: Getting in shape. But what people seem to forget, it's not how you feel that matters, but how you look. So today, I'd like to go over some of the technical aspects of the Triathlon, concentrating, of course, on the most important part: the finish. The important thing to remember about the finish is running through the finish line. You don't want to swim, bike, and run for three hours only to look like a dork and walk across the finish line. You want to RUN through the finish line, running into the person in front of you if you have to, not so much that you run them over, that would be impolite, just run into them, and bump them alittle, that always looks good. Remember, run into, not over.
INTERVIEWER: Should you always try to pass someone at the finish?
TONY: That's always a tough one. You don't want to pass someone just at the finish, or cutting him or her off into the shoot, because that invariably makes it looks like you were loafing for the whole race, and decided to show someone up and beat him or her at the end. Remember, we're just amateurs here, we're not pros, we want to be our best, and look good doing it. No, what we want to do here is do the slow pass where you pass one, two, or even three people, the last hundred yards. That makes it look like you were catching up on these three throughout the race, and finally caught up and passed them with a final burst at the end. And, whatever you do, try not to put yourself in the position that you have to pass up a group of runners at the end, because first, you always want to try to finish in a straight line, if you have to go around a group, you might stumble, and not look good. Second, if you have to pass up a group, you'll get hidden for a while, people won't see you, and you won't look good.
INTERVIEWER: So you always want to finish by yourself?
TONY: Yes, whatever you do, try to finish by yourself, on your own. If you've been racing with someone, shake'm, you want to come home strong, on your own, and make it look like it's you against the world. I'm telling ya, a good finish will save your race.
INTERVIEWER: Tony, what special thing can we do that would distinguish us from the rest of the park, at the finish?
TONY: Hmm, I don't often share this, but I guess I can give this one away; you're a special magazine. When you get off your bike, often times you'll put on a hat, to protect you from the sun, maybe a wet hat, to cool you off, and hide the hat head you get from the bike helmet, but as you come down to the last ten or twenty yards of the race, try to nonchalantly knock off the hat. You see what I'm saying? Now, this isn't my idea, Jose Cardenal, a former leftfielder for the Chicago Cubs, use to wear a hat two sizes too small for him so it would easily fall off when he ran after a fly ball, but it's hard to keep on a smaller hat for the entire 5K leg of the race, but if you practice, you can easily get it so as you're coming in for the finish, you can knock your hat off, and all of a sudden people who weren't looking will look, and see you come striding across the finish line, head up, knees up, and a pained, but not sickening, look on your face. See. Did you see that? Did you see that?
INTERVIEWER: Yes I did, thank you for your insights Tony. When can we see you next?
TONY: I should be sneaking my way into the 30 to 35 age group swim portion of the Chicago triathlon at the end of August.
