A Night at the Factory
by Mike Shader, June 2004
The Comedy Factory is located in downtown Baltimore just a few blocks from the Inner Harbor. They are holding a contest now in its third year for the title of the "Funniest Person in Baltimore". Previous winners include Mark Voyce and Erik Myers. There will be several preliminary rounds with 3-4 advancing to a semifinal round. I competed in the third installment of the prelims.
I got to the Comedy Factory around 8:10. I never got any specific instructions on when to show up for the contest but a part of me expected them to turn me away for not being at the club at least a half hour before show time. The previous manager was a real stickler about arriving early so I might have been having a flashback. Maybe I just try to prepare myself for a negative outcome. Like when you gamble they refer to the games as having a "negative expectation" since the odds are stacked against you. It turned out that 20 minutes before show time was a good time to get there. I was early enough to not be deemed a total slacker but late enough to not have to do too much of that whole comic bonding thing. Bonding is bad enough without involving other people as desperate and pathetic as me. I kid. I am not that desperate.
I am against the concept of the comedy competition. Comedy is subjective, or maybe its objective. I get those two screwed up sometimes but it is definitely one of them. Comedy is not something to be judged; scored and rated it is just meant to be enjoyed. Not to give anyone who puts one of them on a hard time since they do provide some excitement and a chance for comics to hone into their competitive spirit in the hopes of appearing better then others.
Something about this business has led me into a entering a few contests with generally poor results. This time it is mainly the desire to get paid work at a club that is less than twenty miles from home base. I worked the club several times under different management but now in some ways have to start over. Also it's got to be good practice to put yourself in these types of pressure situations with only 5 minutes to perform (insert your own premature ejaculation joke here).
There is no green room here so we all get called into the lobby to do the roll call thing. The organizer (Dan Tracy) calls off the names while comics call out "here". Now I am getting flashbacks to homeroom in elementary school. Dan also adds some nice touches by telling everyone that they might get some work at the club even if they do not advance. At the end he tells the group that we will start in a few minutes "so relax and go to the bathroom if you need to". I have another flashback to getting ready for our summer vacation trip and my dad telling us to whiz before we got in the car.
Dan reads off the order. I get the number five spot. Everyone knows that the middle spot is the sweet one. I never want to headline since I do not want to give up the sweetness of the middle spot. At least I tell myself that when I stare at the ceiling at night and wonder why I am not headlining. I actually do not stare at the ceiling much since the ceiling fan makes me dizzy.
The show starts and Mickey Cucchiella a local headliner who also has a role in running the club is the emcee. He sternly gives the crowd the rules of the night and then does a nice job warming up the crowd with a back and forth with a couple of women of the night.
I do not feel equipped to do a blow by blow of every comic that performed but I will try to mention those that may be able to help me with a gig or put a word in for me.
Howard G is a local headliner who has a son who shares his last name. Mike G is in spot 3 and does a nice job. He makes me laugh telling a story about his Dad trying to get him to sign a contract so that he will be his manager. I guess it seems even funnier if you know Howard. Mike is only 17. He has talent and a comfortable delivery. He is the first person to get the crowd going.
I go on and mess up the wording to my first joke. Comics who know me know that I love to open with this bit since it is really a joke about jokes and it in some ways sets up my point of view. I was tinkering with the wording though so its not a total surprise that I would have such a misstep but obviously the last thing I wanted to do at the beginning of my five minutes. I recover though and have a set that I am proud of. I did two lines that I had only recently written, partially to make it a little more exciting for me since I am sick of the other stuff that I did. I was supposed to be doing my "best" five minutes and I am doing two new jokes, which seems weird unless you also feel the exhilaration when doing a new joke and also become so tired of your stuff even if it regularly works. The two new jokes work well although its hard to say if the jokes are for sure keepers since they were with me and the crowd was warmed up nicely but not overheated.
Baltimore Native Jim Meyer goes on a few people after me and lights up the crowd something fierce. He did a Chewbacca impression. People love it.
Jared Stern, a DC Improv favorite goes up and has a solid set. Jared is a great joke writer and is quickly moving up.
After a few more comics the crowd is getting tired with the show reaching the crucial over an hour and a fifteen minutes time frame. Scientists have shown if a crowd's laughter was a bell curve, that it would start to drop at about this time. I realize that I was luckier than I had originally thought to get the number five slot.
Comedy Veteran Chad Heft goes up and has to deal with the tired crowd phenomenon. He has great energy and I like his pacing. I had never seen Rob Maher perform before but I had a feeling that I was going to like his act after chatting with him some after my last Wiseacres engagement. While he also had to deal with a tired crowd he had me laughing. His joke about upsizing the popcorn slays.
The audience and comics get voting cards to note their first, second and third choices. I did not bring anyone but the fact that people have to choose three people instead of one increases my chances. I try to not even think about placing. I accomplished what I wanted. I had a solid set and Mickey told me after the show that they would have me back. It is still hard to not get caught up in the hoopla of a competition even if you are against being in them.
I tie for third with Mike G. Kirk McEwen of the local morning show "Kirk, Mark and Lopez" gets second. Jim Meyers takes the gold with a cigar in his mouth. Jared qualifies for the wildcard show. Now it is off to the semi finals. The word is that the winner gets $2500, the chance to open for the comedian of their choice (insert bitter comment here) and a place at the beginning of the line for next years auditions for Last Comic Standing.