Two Quizzes
by Shawn Westfall, November 20, 2006
As an aging hipster, I have to be wary of tottering on the brink of irrelevance by not being up on the latest hipster music. A friend who sympathizes with my plight turned me on to a singer/songwriter by the name of Sufjan Stevens. One listen and I was hooked. Great music from an obviously great talent.
But what I found most interesting were the titles of his songs. On this front, Mr. Stevens is anything but taciturn: many of them could easily stand as liner notes for the songs themselves. After carefully perusing them, I couldn’t help but notice how similar his song titles are to titles of postings one often sees on that ubiquitous website Craigslist (www.craigslist.com). Depending on who you talk to, Craigslist is either a godsend or the mechanism by which Satan’s minions do his work on earth, since it’s simultaneously a great place to buy a toaster on the cheap as well as a great place to find a midget to complete your MMF bondage-fetish threesome.
But back to Sufjan Stevens: The following list contains titles taken from Sufjan Stevens’ most popular album, “Illinoise,” and actual titles of postings to the local Washington, DC Craigslist board, specifically the “Rants and Raves” section, during the week of Nov. 9-16, 2006. For those of you unfamiliar with Mr. Stevens’ work, can you tell which is which? Answers below.
A. Sufjan Stevens Song? Or B. Craigslist Posting?
- 1. A Short Reprise For Mary Todd, Who Went Insane, But For Very Good Reasons
- 2. I Don’t Miss Terry Like I Miss Great Aunt Ruby
- 3. The Black Hawk War, Or, How To Demolish An Entire Civilization And Still Feel Good About Yourself In The Morning, Or, We Apologize For The Inconvenience But You're Gonna Have To Leave Now, Or, 'I Have Fought The Big Knives And Will Continue To Fight...
- 4. Bigfoot Spies on Aircraft Carrier
- 5. Decatur, Or, Round Of Applause For Your Stepmother!
- 6. When Do You Know the Love Is Gone?
- 7. One Last 'Whoo-Hoo!' For The Pullman
- 8. If You Take the Last Cup of Coffee, Make A New Pot
- 9. To The Workers Of The Rock River Valley Region, I Have An Idea Concerning Your Predicament
- 10. They Are Night Zombies!! They Are Neighbors!! They Have Come Back From The Dead!! Ahhhh!
- 11. The Man Of Metropolis Steals Our Hearts
- 12. Breeder with Golden Children (I Miss My Sisters)
- 13. Why Does Everyone Think I Want Amanda Back & Other Shit
- 14. Prairie Fire That Wanders About
- 15. If I Knew It Was Gonna Get This Bad
- 16. The Predatory Wasp Of The Palisades Is Out To Get Us!
- 17. My Responses to a Mormon Interrogation At the Front Door
- 18. I Thought They Were Supposed to Teach Me in That College
- 19. In This Temple As In The Hearts Of Man For Whom He Saved The Earth
- 20. You’d Better Pray to God There’s Some Thorazine In That Bag!
- 21. The Tallest Man, The Broadest Shoulders: Part I: The Great Frontier/Part II: Come To Me Only With Playthings Now
- 22. What’s a Ball Peen Hammer For?
Answers: 1. A 2. B 3. A 4. B 5. A 6. B 7. A 8. B 9. A 10. A 11. A 12. B 13. B 14. A 15. A 16. A 17. B 18. B 19. A 20. B 21. A 22. B
2. A. Police Album? or B. French Literary Theorist?
- 1. Regatta De Blanc
- 2. Helene Cixous
- 3. Outlandos D’Amour
- 4. Luce Irrigary
- 5. Michel Foucalt
- 6. Zenyatta Mondatta
- 7. Jacques Derrida
Answers: 1. A 2. B. 3. A 4. B 5. B 6. A 7.B